As convention season ends, God announces his nominee for highest office in the land

One Vote MattersIn a low-key announcement intended to reassure nervous voters, God has announced that his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, will once again be his 2016 nominee for Messiah, Saviour of the world, and Ruler and Judge of the universe.

Sources have confirmed that Jesus will once again be the only nominee for the position.

As the only eligible Voter, God announced that he intends to cast his vote early on the morning of November 8th, meaning that Jesus will once again be elected unopposed after receiving 100% of all votes cast.

He is currently serving his 496th consecutive term, and has maintained a 100% approval rating from the Voter during his time in office.

God issued a brief statement in support of his candidate: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased. Listen to him.

“All things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. I am pleased to have all my fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to myself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”

Launching his re-election campaign, the Lord Jesus Christ announced that his platform will be unchanged from his previous 496 campaigns: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” he announced. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Christ also thanked his Father for his ongoing support. “Father, glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted me authority over all people, so that I might give eternal life to all those you have given me. And this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.”

When approached by reporters for his views on the upcoming US presidential election and on the major party nominees, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, God declined to comment, instead referring reporters to his earlier statement about Jesus Christ.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s